Many of you that will read this have probably heard about the passing of my sister-in -law Kaci Cox. We attended her funeral this weekend. This post is much more personal than I usually will put out there and probably more theraputic for me than anything else. I woke up this morning kind of in a funk I guess. Watching those 6 kids say goodbye...at least for a time to their mother was heart wrenching. I have so much love and respect for my big brother as I watched him several times kneel down next to one of his children so he could explain to them things like why Mom was not going to wake up until Heavenly Father says it's time or how Mom is happy and free from the pain now. He was so patient and strong. I wonder when HE will have time to grieve for his loss. Listening to people talk about the type of person Kaci was I think has left the biggest impact on me. I want to be more like her...and I feel so far from that right now. I think that's the 'funk' I was feeling today. Kaci "loved the road she was on" no matter what that road looked like. She had an awful cancer that she ultimately knew would take her from her family but she was determined to learn from it and in her words "gain everything she could from it". She used this trial to strengthen her and her family...not the other way around. I know that she was not perfect. I know that she had days when she felt that life was not fair but she made a choice, a choice that each one of us can make no matter what difficult circumstance or situation we find ourselves in.
Kaci didn't have much from a wordly point of view but she knew that she had everything that mattered. I never saw her 'want' for more. She never seemed to care about the bigger house, the nicer car, the fancy clothes. She was so happy with her life and had such a sense of gratitude for her blessings even in the midst of battling cancer....she was grateful! I've thought a lot today about how I measure up to these attributes. I've wondered what would people say about me after I leave this world. I want to be better. I want to love my life more, I want to be more grateful, and I want to make a choice everyday to love the road I'm on. Not the road that I think I should be on or will be on next year...this one right now. The one with poopy diapers, piled up laundry, and dirty dishes. The one where there is no extra money for stuff and where little people try my patience and leave me exhausted on a daily basis. I want to be more happy with all that. I want to be happy like she was. I want to play with and love my kids more. I want to be less judgemental and more helpful and kind to others. I want to never forget how I'm feeling today ...which is why I'm writing it down.
I can't imagine how people go through something like this without the knowledge and testimony that this life is but a mere moment in the grand scheme of eternity and that Heavenly Father has provided a way for us to be together as families forever!! Opposition is a bitter sweet thing. The pain that is felt now will only make the joy of that reunion that much better. They WILL see her again. They WILL get to hug and kiss her again. They know it and because they know it.... they will be okay. I'm grateful for Kaci and all that she has taught me. I'm grateful for the influence and example she has been in my life. She makes me want to be a better person and hopefully I can be because of her.
If you want to feel more grateful or just be uplifted check out these posts from Kaci's blog. I promise they will inspire you!
Gratitude, The Diagnosis, and my trip to the ER
If you want to help my brother and his 6 awesome kids check out this website: http://www.helpdavidcoxfamily.org/
